


I Could Never Rescue You

by kat_the_writer



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Inspired by The Last Five Years, M/M, RK900 is called Richard, crY A LOT, lie down, no happy ending, seriously y'all this isn't a happy Reed900 story, try not to cry, un-beta'd
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-18
Updated: 2020-07-18
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:16:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25355380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kat_the_writer/pseuds/kat_the_writer
Summary: Sometimes, the things we think we want, aren't the things we want at all. Sometimes, the things we need, aren't the things we need at all. And sometimes... love isn't enough to make it.Heavily -- very heavily -- inspired by "The Last Five Years".
Relationships: Upgraded Connor | RK900/Gavin Reed, Upgraded Connor | RK900/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 20





	I Could Never Rescue You

**Author's Note:**

> hoo boy y'all.
> 
> so, in the Reed900 RBB Discord, penxe posted about this idea and it stuck itself into my brain so hard i spent an entire day at work thinking about it and then wrote it in two hours. i did go back to edit it, so hopefully it's not a trashfire. please heed the tags -- this might make you cry. i'm sorry not sorry.
> 
> so it makes a little more sense: gavin's perspective is from end --> beginning. richard's is from beginning --> end. there is one section in the middle where perspectives overlap briefly.
> 
> also i highly recommend listening to the soundtrack while you read!

He…

He’s gone.

Gavin stops and stares at the darkened windows, at the locked door.

There’s no sign of life. He’s gone. The apartment’s empty.

Trepidation grips his heart as he trudges forward – but a part of him knows what’s waiting. He’s been expecting this for a bit, honestly. Saw it coming, even though he was so desperate to stop it. Even though a small part of him really thought they could fix it, go to counseling, make it work again. Make it better – maybe not perfect, like it used to be, but better than it is now.

Gavin walks up the steps, placing a hand on the door-handle. It registers his touch and unlocks, and he slowly pulls it open, heart racing in his chest. Sure enough, sitting on table by the front door, is a neatly folded piece of paper.

It’s expected, but… that doesn't make it hurt any less.

Five years down the drain. Divorced at 42. Bitter, and single, his forever vanishing into thin air around him.

Richard, gone, off to find something better, better than Gavin ever could have given him. Most likely, he puts all of the blame on Gavin - it's all his fault, his doing and undoing. Hell, he's probably doing just fine, with whoever or wherever. Something... something wonderful died, buried beneath secrets and anger and bitterness.

The apartment suddenly seems that much larger, and emptier, a shell of the formal beautiful life it used to hold within its walls. There are small - but noticeable - things missing; for example, a few little knick-knacks and some random books from the bookshelf, as well as the record player that had been a gift from Hank and Connor. Gavin knows if he goes upstairs to the bedroom, Richard’s side of the closet will be empty. Nothing left but the memories, and an apartment that’s too big for just one person.

It hurts.

All of the promises, the dreams, the hopes, the wishes – gone. Did they... did they really have no chance at all? Richard's gone, leaving Gavin covered in scars and picking up the pieces, left to find something to learn from this disaster - whatever that might be.

It _hurts_.

-~-

The first time Richard laid his eyes on Gavin, he experienced a completely new sensation, one that he’d never felt in his admittedly short time on the earth: breathlessness.

Gavin was… he was gorgeous. Stunning. The way his emerald eyes caught the light, the way they crinkled when he laughed, the shape of his full lips, the scar across his slightly crooked nose…

Breathtaking.

Richard decides he needs to know everything - _everything_ \- about Gavin. From his favorite drink (coffee), to his favorite food (pad thai), to his favorite animal (any and all type of cat). He was magnetized, wowed, drawn in, and absolutely entranced. Gavin fought it a touch, in the beginning, but Richard's persistence had him quick to caving especially when the android showed up with his favorite coffee without even being asked. Now that, _that_ went straight to Gavin's heart.

And honestly, it isn't long until they can’t keep their hands off of each other. It happens so fast, it’s a whirlwind, surprising themselves and everyone around them.

God, if Amanda could see him now, gallivanting around with Detective Asshole. It would break her _heart_.

The first time they end up at Gavin’s apartment, Nines spends half the night besides himself, still trying to wrap his mind around the fact that this man is _his_. All his, and god, Gavin is amazing. It’s inspiring, it’s fulfilling, it’s everything Richard never thought he needed in his short life. 

He thinks… he really thinks he might be falling in love. He can feel it, deep in his being, and he can’t ignore it.

-~-

Gavin’s back home, visiting his family, by himself. On _their_ vacation. His sister is getting married tomorrow, and he’s here, without a date. Richard, too overloaded with casework and married to his fucking job, isn’t here. Captain’s duties, and all that, throwing a solid wrench in the plans they initially had.

Richard should be _here_. He was supposed to be _here_.

And then, without warning, he is; the android is walking up the dock to him, small smile on his face. Gavin is surprised at first, and then blindly overjoyed. It takes him a second before his body catches up with his mind and then he's hugging Richard tight, hope and happiness swelling together in his chest. They laugh for the first time in, god, probably months. Maybe… maybe everything will be okay. They’ll have to put in work, but maybe they _can_ make it work, because Richard is here. He came.

Gavin goes to tell him about how happy he is that he won’t be at his sister’s wedding alone tomorrow, and Richard’s face falls. Gavin’s heart skips a beat, the joy bleeding out of him.

Richard explains that he has to go back to Detroit – there’s a trial, tomorrow. He needs to testify.

The hope dies, but Gavin, desperate to cling to it, tries to find something. Anything, because at this point, it feels like giving up. At this point, it feels like throwing everything away - everything he has wanted for so long, fought for, cried for. So, he tries. At least you’ll be here tonight, right?

And… Richard sighs and shakes his head.

Explains that… he couldn’t get a flight early enough to leave in the morning. He’s leaving in a couple hours to go to the airport. Just enough time for dinner, and that’s it. Gavin tries to understand, but it _hurts_.

Richard offers to come back on Monday, after the wedding, after everything. It’s the straw the breaks the camels back, and they fight.

Richard is choosing his job over him, again. Again, and again, and _again_.

Gavin’s going to be standing alone at his sister’s wedding.

Because Richard is married to his _job_ , not him.

He should have seen this coming. 

Maybe the most infuriating thing about it, and the one thing Gavin really can't understand, is that Richard just stands there, straight and tall, and watches Gavin as he cries. The android doesn’t do a single thing. Doesn’t move to comfort him. Doesn't try to say anything. Nothing.

He just stands there.

And it hurts, again, because of course it does. It always hurts.

-~-

Richard is setting on a bench by the river, scrolling through a tablet, when a call comes in. He straightens up, LED flashing yellow as he answers. It’s Captain Fowler, offering a huge case. A _huge_ case. And if it goes well, here comes the Lieutenant position.

It’s exciting, and a little overwhelming, but he can practically taste the promotion. It’s right there.

He calls Gavin immediately, and tells him to start looking for apartments to move in together. Gavin is, understandably, flustered but happy. Richard doesn’t bother explaining, just tells him to start looking as he gets up and heads to his car, determined to book it back to the precinct to be briefed.

God, everything is moving so fast. It’s not even been a full year. He and Gavin have only been official for a few months, and now they’re going to be moving in together. And Richard is going to be a Lieutenant.

He meets up with Fowler, and gets the full run-down. Sure enough, it is a mountain of a case. It almost scares Richard, for a moment. Hank and Connor were working on it, but they became too bogged down with too many different things, so Fowler decided to transfer it.

Briefly, he thinks of Gavin, and how he’s been working so hard for so long to become a Lieutenant, and Richard’s going to end up getting the promotion before him.

Shaking his head, clearing that thought from his mind, he goes to discuss more details with Hank and Connor.

This is it.

God, this is _it_.

And then, he and Gavin are moving in together. Richard cleans out his tiny apartment of what few possessions he has – enough to fit nicely in his car, and that’s about it. The android ponders, for a moment, that maybe everything _is_ moving too fast... Then again, he hasn't been on this earth for very long, in the grand scheme of things, so honestly... who is he to decide what is too fast or not? In the flurry of packing and unpacking, he tells Gavin about the case - about the possible promotion - and Gavin is happy for him, but there’s an undercurrent of pain.

Richard ignores it.

He focuses on his work.

And then he’s a Lieutenant.

He gets paired up with a firecracker of a Detective – a recent transfer, just in time to fill the position he left. Her name is Jennifer. She’s gorgeous, and talented, and strong, and smart.

Richard tries to ignore it.

-~-

There’s another _fucking_ party. Another celebration, as Richard is going to be made Captain.

Fowler’s retiring. He’s here, tonight, with his wife, laughing and drinking and glad to be done.

Gavin stands back, by the wayside, watching Richard socialize - watching him laugh and smile and chat, surrounded by colleagues.

They lock eyes for a moment, and Richard gives him a little wave. He’s beaming, and god, he is so gorgeous. But it hurts. Gavin’s been gunning for this his entire life; his job was the only thing he was really good at, the one true passion in his life outside of the android currently severely out-pacing him.

Still, he tries his best to support. He’s a part of this, too. He’s in this too. He’s going to stick it out, it’ll be okay. He loves Richard, really, he does. He wants to be their for his husband.

But god, how did they get here, in such a short amount of time? The last few years were so chaotic, and so busy, it's almost overwhelming to think about. And, sometimes, it feels like he’s in Richard’s world. Instead of side-by-side, Gavin is following Richard's cue. Everything is about him, for him. He’s following behind in his shadow, still a fucking Detective at 41 years old. Richard made Captain in four years. Four years.

It was unheard of, but of course it made sense for an android. He was the perfect fit, since Hank had officially retired and moved across the country to San Diego with Connor.

He… he loves Richard. He does. He's a part of this.

But fuck, it hurts more often than not now.

-~-

The door to the apartment opens and Gavin trudges inside, throwing his coat off on the couch. Richard tries to chat with him, to calm him down, and it only results in Gavin breaking a wine glass and screaming in frustration.

Richard cleans up the glass as Gavin goes to sulk on the couch, and eventually he tells him about the god-fucking-awful day he had. Of how upset he is with his job, of how he doesn’t feel like he can do anything right, of how he just wants to give up and be done sometimes.

Richard tries to cheer him up. He had the day off, so he’d spent time decorating the apartment. It’s nearing Christmas, and he figures Gavin would appreciates the lights he spent hours stringing up around the living room.

He plays music and sings along, trying to distract Gavin from his problems. Trying to get Gavin to ignore, because sometimes, it’s better if you just ignore.

Richard drags Gavin off the couch to dance with him as he plugs in lights left and right. It feels like a victory when he gets a small smile out of the Detective. 

He can ignore the bad feelings, so he does - so they both do.

Richard loves Gavin, so much. It’s almost unbearable. He just wants him to be happy. He just wants both of them to be happy, together. Forever.

-~-

Another disaster of a case. None have been going his way, for months now. He needs a break, and thank god, they’re going to get it. He and Richard are going to be spending a month in his hometown, in Marlton. He’s excited to see his family, but he’s more excited that Richard will be there with him.

It’ll be the first time most of his extended family is together, so it’ll be the first time they get to meet him, after years of being together. And he’s so excited to show off, show how good he’s doing. How amazing Richard is. How he’s excelled at his career, how he’s a Lieutenant now, how Fowler might be looking into him as the next Captain, maybe, since Hank and Connor are leaving…

That thought hurts a little.

Really, the best part of it all will be showing the ring off to his family. That he and Richard are now Mr. and Mr. Reed. He’ll get to show off to al of his cousins and nieces and nephews and aunt and uncles, some of whom are flying in from Italy – some of whom haven’t been able to leave the country for years and thus, missed his wedding.

God, he was married. _They_ were married. It… it’s perfect.

It’s perfect, right?

-~-

They’re walking through the park, chatting about mundane things. Whatever crosses their mind. They’re planning things to do in the future, little dates and fun things, things Richard hasn’t yet even experienced yet.

They get to a small outcropping over the Detroit River and pause, hand in hand. Gavin takes a moment and then pulls away, going to lean against the railing, looking out over the river and the city across the way. It’s gorgeous out, midafternoon and slightly overcast.

Richard shuffles behind him, and Gavin, alerted to the noise, turns around. 

And there’s Richard. Down on one knee. Ring box in outstretched hand, gorgeous glimmering golden band inlaid with small diamonds resting in the plush satin inside.

Gavin freezes. All thoughts flee rapidly from his mind as soon as it registers what's happening. But wait... Is this… _is_ this happening? To _him_?

In a million years, he never thought he’d get proposed to. Never thought he’d get married, never thought he'd settle down. Hell, he never thought he’d even have a relationship last this long. Not until Richard, not until this gorgeous android forced his way into his life, and the chemistry became too unbearable to ignore. Until they became inseparable, and Gavin found himself slowly falling in love.

Fuck, he is so _in love_.

Never in a million years. He didn’t think he’d ever deserve this, and a part of him still doesn’t think he does. He doesn’t deserve a man like Richard, but here he is, in front of him… proposing. There's so many things Richard still needs to see and do, so many dreams to explore. There are so many years and months and days Gavin has, all for the android knelt before him. They aren't... they aren't really complete without each other.

Gavin’s broken out of his reverie by Richard calling his name softly, and then the fated question slips from his lips.

“Will you marry me?”

“… Yes.”

And so, they get married. It’s a small affair, with Tina as his best woman, and Connor as Richard’s best man. It’s a perfect little ceremony and Gavin doesn’t think he’s ever been happier. Richard feels the same, too. 

It’s perfect…

Until it isn’t.

It’s like a switch flips. Suddenly, there are people all over vying for Richard’s attention – and not like they used to. It’s like the ring on his finger draws everyone in, and he’s careful, oh so careful. Toe the line, be polite, he’s married. He’s _married_.

It becomes more noticeable at the parties, the galas, they attend. While Richard is almost always whisked away, Gavin tends to keep to himself, sitting at the bar, nursing a glass of whiskey, waiting for someone – anyone – to engage him.

They approach the android like hawks - no, vultures. They approach him like vultures, sweeping in, circling him, flirting with him, entrapping him. He tries, hard, really he does, to dismiss them - to flash the ring, to drop a small hint about his husband - but it's never enough of a deterrent, honestly.

Sometimes, Gavin will step up to Richard’s side and wrap an arm around him, cutting off whoever’s trying to flirt _this_ time.

And it’s fine.

It’s _fine_.

Gavin loves Richard.

Richard loves Gavin.

It’s not a problem – just a challenge, to resist temptation.

And then there’s Jennifer. Perfect, beautiful, funny, kind, caring, voluptuous Jennifer. Nearly everything Gavin is not, in so many ways. Ignore that thought.

Gavin notices. Of course, he does, he’s not an idiot – he’s a fucking Detective for a reason. Richard’s eyes wander, linger, stare, unashamedly. Gavin tries to ignore it, because he loves Richard, and it’s understandable. The android is attractive, and he’s only ever been with Gavin. It’s natural to be curious.

That thought hurts a little bit, in an odd way.

Richard throws himself into his job, too, more often than not. Success, and thus furthering his career, is just around the corner. He’s home less and less – cases, crime scenes, parties, socializing, making friends. Hopefully just friends.

Meanwhile, Gavin does his best to juggle everything, to be the perfect husband. To be someone worth coming home to at the end of the day, each and every day, forever. He's proud of his wonderful husband and all he's accomplished, of course he is. He does his best to keep faith, to not despair, to believe in Richard and every single thing he's promised.

That is, until Richard starts coming home less and less.

And god does it hurt, and it’s a struggle to not slip back into old habits - the habits Gavin had had before Richard. The too-much-drinking, the sitting-in-his-kitchen-with-a-gun-in-his-hand habits. 

He just has to smile more. He loves Richard, and Richard loves him.

It’s okay.

They’re fine.

It doesn’t hurt, much, really.

-~-

Work is starting to get rough, as it does when you're a detective. Gavin almost regrets not wanting to have a partner, now, because he’s beginning to feel in over his head. Hell, Richard was his best and only partner, and no one could ever outclass _him_ , but still... just having a second person to bounce ideas off of would be nice. He’s trudging along, climbing uphill, and fighting a losing battle at this point.

He’s starting to sleep a little less, drink a little more coffee. It puts a small strain on things, and Gavin blames himself because of course he does. So, he tries to get his act together, to do better. He’s good at his job, hell, he’s the best at it. Best… human, at it. He can do this. He's busting his ass and he's exhausted but he can do this.

And then sometimes, he regrets picking this particular job. Late at night, after a particularly rough day, where Richard has thrown himself into his work and isn’t too keen on comforting Gavin – he’s busy, after all, and Gavin feels like an annoyance – he almost truly, really regrets his career path. It was… it was getting to be too much.

He was beginning to feel like a failure. And, fuck, it did hurt a bit. He was working his ass off, and spinning his wheels, yet still going nowhere. He was… beginning to feel like he was living in Richard’s shadow.

He didn’t want to live in Richard’s shadow.

-~-

There’s another grand party tonight. Richard and Jennifer cracked a huge case, and Fowler has started dropping hints that he’ll be considering retiring soon. Specific hints, said while studying Richard – making sure he’s making the right decision, even though everyone already knows the decision’s been made. Hank is retiring, moving to San Diego, with Connor following behind him, transferring to work in one of the departments there. Richard is a shoe-in, honestly.

They fight. It’s the worst that they’ve ever had. Richard doesn’t understand – things were going so great. They were married, had a large cozy apartment, were thinking of buying a house. God, they had just adopted a cat.

Gavin is angry, and heartbroken. He yells about how he hates the stupid parties, being abandoned, watching Richard prance around with who-the-fuck-ever. He yells about how he hates that he’s just ignored, left to sit at the bar by himself, and if anyone ever deigns to talk to him, they only ever ask questions about Richard. It's all about Richard! Richard this, Richard that, Richard _forever_.

And Richard tries. He tries to understand – not ignore – and he tries hear what Gavin is saying. He tries to tell him that he believes in him and that, if he didn’t, he wouldn’t be here, married to Gavin, going on four years together. They wouldn’t be having this fight if he didn’t believe in Gavin, and he would just walk right out the door then and there. But he’s here, and he loves Gavin, because he believes in him.

He just wants to be happy; he just wants both of them to be happy. He’s cheering on Gavin so much, so why isn’t Gavin supporting him? Richard doesn’t want Gavin to hurt, and he’ll be fine. Really, they’ll both be fine.

Gavin spends most of the fight ignoring him, torn between stalking around the apartment and sitting on their couch and crying, shutting him out. It results in Richard raising his voice for the first time that Gavin’s ever heard.

“I will not fail so you can be comfortable, Gavin. I will not lose because you can't win!”

And it’s the truth. He won’t sacrifice his mounting career just so Gavin can feel comfortable. He won’t throw away his success. Richard believes in Gavin.

If he didn’t believe in him, he wouldn't have loved him at all.

Gavin leaves the apartment, slams the door in Richard’s face as he screaming at him to stop.

Richard goes to the party alone.

-~-

Richard meets Gavin’s parents. He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t nervous, driving back to Gavin’s hometown in New Jersey while Gavin regales him with stories of his life there. Gavin talks about his friends, how so many of them ended up in dead-end relationships working dead-end jobs straight after high school.

He talks about how he realized he didn’t want any of that, so he moved to Detroit. He talks about his first relationship in Detroit – a cute guy from the bar he frequently went to after a shift with some of his coworkers – who was his first real heartbreak after being together for a year. The guy needed to "take some time off” and “focus on his career”, blowing him off with a heartfelt letter. Gavin expressed how he thought he could do better than that, and he was right.

And now, they were coming back to Marlton, so Richard could meet his parents.

The drive is mostly seamless – though they can’t keep their hands off each other like usual, and half-way there Richard pulls off to hide the car in a secluded area.

Gavin talks more about how far he’s come, how far they’ve both come, how everything feels like it’s slotting into place. How happy he is, and how in love he is with Richard. How they can both keep doing so, so much better, together.

-~-

Richard emerges from statis, and he’s not in his and Gavin’s bed. He’s almost startled, until he rolls over and sees Jen laying next to him, mostly nude. She’s just rousing from sleep, and he leans in to press a kiss to her lips. She smiles softly at him, stretching, looking as much like an angel as she did last night.

Richard moves to get up, searching for his clothes. The ring on his finger catches his eye, and his breath hitches for a moment.

Oh, god. He just slept with his coworker. His ex-partner, from before he became Captain. The panic creeps in, and he feels like he might hyperventilate, until a hand rubs up his back gently, soothingly.

Ah, hold on - the facts are the facts. Just relax, and the panic recedes. No one needs to know.

God, he and Gavin are supposed to be seeing Gavin’s family soon, for an extended vacation. He’ll have to face them all, knowing what he’s done. It’s a leaden weight in his being, but… he doesn’t want to quit it. As Jen pull him into a languid kiss, he realizes _this_ is what he wants. Not the broken, angry man waiting for him at their shitty apartment in a cheap area of town.

He wants Jen. Beautiful, passionate, understanding Jen. He wants to wake up in this bed again, to feel the soft cotton on his artificial skin, to watch Jen sleep peacefully next to him.

He… He doesn’t want Gavin.

Did he ever really want Gavin?

Did he ever really _love_ Gavin?

Maybe, once upon a time, but…

He doesn’t need Gavin.

He needs this. 

And he’ll get what he needs, he believes, as he pulls Jen back into bed with him, tangling the sheets. The panic recedes.

Nobody needs to know.

-~-

The first time they kiss, sparks ignite. It was after their first official date, after months of barely being able to keep away from each other. They’re standing outside of Gavin’s apartment, on the steps, unashamed. It becomes almost too much, and Richard pulls away, leaving Gavin panting and flushed.

It’s everything Gavin needs. It pushes him over the edge. Finally, really, truly, _finally_. This is it. Everything he never knew he needed. It’s Richard. It’s gotta be Richard. Only Richard.

Forever Richard.

There’s a note, on the table by the front door.

“I called Jennifer to help me back my bags. I went down downtown and closed the bank account. It’s not about another shrink – it’s not about another compromise…”

…

“I’m not the only one who’s hurting here. I don’t know what the hell is left to do. You never saw how far the crack had opened. You never knew I had ran out of rope and I could never rescue you – all you ever wanted. But I could never rescue you, no matter how I tried… All I could do was love you hard and let you go.”

…

“No matter how I tried, all I could do was love you. God, I loved you so. So we could fight, or we could wait, or I could go.”

…

"You never noticed how the wind had changed. I didn't see a way we both could win."

_Goodbye_.

**Author's Note:**

>  _The Last Five Years_. Dir. by Richard LaGravenese. Perf. by Anna Kendrick & Jeremy Jordan. Prod. by Grand Peaks Entertainment & Lucky Monkey Pictures, 2014.
> 
> (literally only doing this because I used direct quotes from the movie and uh... yea. y'know. can never be too safe. also yea i know it looks pretentious af)


End file.
